i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
