My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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