Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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