I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
