Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
