sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
