What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
