I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
