I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
