as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
