I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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