My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
its liver damage thursday
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
