I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
