the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
