I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What drink are we having for lunch?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
