In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
