don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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