Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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