put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
