Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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