I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
