You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
