You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
