I think I died a long time ago.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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