all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just invented taco cereal.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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