Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
