you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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