Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
