he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
