dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize