Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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