I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
