we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You're like the curious george of whores
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
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He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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