She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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