Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
