Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
