I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
soo... how was my night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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