we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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