I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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