I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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