the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm always down for nudity.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
