Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
