You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
