so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
