The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
