Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
