he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
