It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
