He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
