I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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