my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
