I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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