her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
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All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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