I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
