he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
