i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
