we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
