I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
