You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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