I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
