It's just like the Real World with babies
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
