Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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