I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
