He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize