Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
