she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
